No Taste for Chicken

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So I’ve starred in the series Stepfather’s Secret at Men.com. Costarring the very sexy men Johnny Rapid, Trevor Spade, and Scott Harbor, it’s been a huge hit. I’m getting a TON of positive feedback, including a lot of people who speak of this exact scenario being one of their greatest fantasies.

And I also get the occasional person who finds this content absolutely abhorrent. I’ll start out by saying that there are indeed guys out there who were molested in their formative years; of course I completely understand why this might push a big red button for them. But I’m also getting a little trickle of folk who object because they feel that somehow this material makes the gay world look bad.

Answering those objections directly, I am going to point out that in the film Men.com was very careful in scripting and producing these scenes to make these salient points very clear:

  • 1. All the stepsons are older than 18. This makes them older than the legal age of consent. It goes without saying, legally, that of course all actors are well above the age of 18 as well. There is no representation, actual or implied, of statutory rape in this movie.
  • 2. The sons are all adopted children of my character’s wife; this is made quite clear in her opening conversation in the first scene. As she explains, they are in fact not the stepfather’s adopted children. They are also unrelated to each other. Hence there is no incest depicted, implied or actual.
  • 3. All the sons are active and willing participants in the sex. It would be unrealistic to expect the sons to be the instigators, but the scenes start only with the stepfather as the willing facilitator, not the active provocateur. There is no rape or any form of coerced participation shown or implied in these scenes.

Some still object to the age difference. Let’s presume the stepfather is around 40 (as am I) and the sons are between 21 and 25; we’d be looking at a 15 to 20 year age difference. Why is this age difference so objectionable between these age groups when a 30 year old and a 50 year old might fuck with impunity? If you’d tell me a 21 year old is still too immature to know what he’s doing sexually, then why do we place the age of consent at 18? And if a 21 year old is old enough to drive a car, to vote, to drink, and to fight for our country, how the hell is he too young to make his own decisions about his sexuality?

I appreciate the need some people feel to conform to what the straight world might expect of us behaviorally. I also however feel that, as unreasonable as it is for a few straight folk to think that all gay men are sexual predators and rapists out to “convert” the wholesome straight boy (stepson, altar boy, what have you) to a sad life of unfulfilling debauchery, it’s just as unreasonable to think that straight folk set some sort of moral bar. The straight world has been telling us for decades, nay centuries, that we’re perverted and broken and sinful. Some of us are buying into this accusation, and seem to think that we need to toe someone else’s lines of behavior to “prove” ourselves to a populace which might never come around anyway. To suggest that we are now able to convince a minority of stuck-in-the-mud heterosexuals that we’re “just as good as they are” is to suggest that in fact we were foul, uncouth, and unclean in previous generations. And looking at how ingrained into history homosexuals have been, in positions of power, culture, and thought, I’m just not buying that.

The other disturbing thing I note in these responses is a kneejerk need to pass judgement. In this way, we are in fact following exactly the example of those judgemental straight folk who are so fast to tell us what inhuman slime we are. Just as they act based on information that has no source in truth or on no knowledge of any of us personally, similarly we’re fast to come to a negative opinion of a mere porn movie based on a presumption of what it might mean, and that of the darkest interpretation possible. And this doesn’t just happen around this video; it’s a very human tendency. I’m just amazed that we as gay men, having been the brunt of exactly that judgementalism for so long, are so ready to jump the moral gun ourselves. Really, shouldn’t we of all people be better than that?

In realizing on video a fantasy, does anyone really think that the studio would go out of their way to deliberately or negligently portray the corruption of a minor? Even studios which depict S/M and sex in bondage go well out of their way to provide some means of showing that the exchange was in fact consensual. Sex between differently-aged partners is commonplace in gay porn these days, “daddy” being a perhaps increasingly potent fantasy these days. If you want to get upset about something, let’s look at the treatment of our brothers and sisters in Russia, in Africa, in our own christian communities. If you need to level your energies at something we gay men do, rail at unsafe sex practices that keep STI’s a constant threat among us. Take aim at the drug abuse that probably underlies so much of that unsafe sex. Get upset about something which with some reading and understanding you can actually speak intelligently about, instead of something about which we’ve only made an uneducated guess. If we want respect from the heterosexual community, from anyone, or hell, even just from ourselves, that seems a much stronger means of accomplishing it.

19 comments

  1. unfortunetly , man on man porn takes a beating , but woman on woman seems to be acceptable , where are all the haters when mommy/ daughter tag team vids come out ? why aren’t they vilified and protested? double standards at play here aren’t they ?

  2. Mark says:

    From what I have seen, it is just hot. And very well done. It is a nice little harmless fantasy.

  3. Jon A-C says:

    Well stated.

    Yeah, it’s hard to convince people that sometimes they’re scandalized for no other reason than they think they *should* be. Or that if they aren’t scandalized by something, it means they’re immoral or something.

    Flannery O’Connor once wrote that all of the most self-actualized, moral, goodhearted, spiritually advanced people she knew had incredible bawdy senses of humor and were not shocked easily. She said that one of the biggest mistakes people make while trying to be moral is to confuse being easily scandalized with being moral. Two different things. And to be shocked about age difference in a fictional piece of art? That seems a little bit jejune to me.

  4. Sue hughes says:

    Excellent opinion piece that hits every point I would make. Thank you for such a well presented statement

  5. Greg says:

    Very well stated, Dirk. As I have said before it is all matter personal preference. I my self find it erotic. If you don’t like that type of porn then don’t watch it, it is as simple as that. I just hope that I am lucky enough to meet you someday Dirk. You and Jesse are both really amazing and interesting men. Being a simple man from a small Midwest town, I would really love to just sit down with you and Jesse and talk and learn about you and from you.

  6. Michael says:

    The story sounds incredibly steamy and as a young man in my twenties who is drawn to men who are at least ten to fifteen years older then me I say bring it on.

  7. Noor says:

    I think that you’ve stated your position very well and I am in full agreement with what you say. Nonetheless I am still left puzzled as to why this is even a conversation. Everytime I hear a gay (for lack of a better word) person speak about respect from the straight world, I can’t help but wonder why is straight acceptance so important that it merits the need for acceptance or even dialogue? Why is it that people can’t/won’t just live there lives. Maybe, I’m in the minority but I don’t see the need to feel any way about someone else’s sexuality. It always amazes me when I hear someone wonder whether an actor is gay or not. How does what someone else does in bed inform your experience? Oh well.

  8. Steve Craftman says:

    I’ve always had a taste for older men, and suddenly find myself at my target age 😉
    I can’t see why there’s any controversy around this film: the clips I’ve seen look perfectly consensual to me (and I’m sensitive to rape scenes in porn having been raped when I was about the age of the “stepsons”). It’s fantasy, FFS: what do we do when we can’t actualise an experience we want? We fantasise about it. It’s why the porn I write tends towards the giving/chasing scenario. No way could I “poz someone up” as I’m frequently invited to on Grindr (everybody around here knows that older gay guys all have HIV). Aside from the legal problems, I’d feel responsible for him for the rest of his life. I’m not prepared to take on that responsibility, therefore I decline (which is maybe why my sex life is in a nose dive!). The film speaks to me not only through the crotch, but also through the “I wish that had been what happened to me instead of…” bit of my brain. Best of all it’s got people talking about (legal) intergenerational relationships and about consent. Bloody good job, Dirk!

  9. Eric Farr says:

    Love this!!!!! So true!!!!! Loved the scenes that I have seen of the movie!!!! Awesome!!!!!

  10. Keith says:

    I don’t remember the uproar when kevin spacey as a 45 year old tries to haves sex with his daughter’s 17 year old school mate in American Beauty…

  11. hossam el sersawy says:

    i,m so much in love with Dirk. he,s really wonderful in every thing. i always dream about the time i,ll meet hem personally .he,s a good man and good star,too.

  12. Tony says:

    I love the videos…..perhaps it’s because I understand fantasy vs. reality….

  13. Az says:

    That was exceedingly well thought-out and insightful! Awesome article!

  14. Riley says:

    I wonder why someone else need to make thing complicate, why need to compare the real life with the movie’s story. IT’S JUST A MOVIES (in fact it’s the best series so far), along with those Hot and Handsome Actors, I say, doesn’t matter how, I still like this movie, it’s the best I ever seen, And I will continue support my favorite actor – Dirk Caber 🙂

  15. TM Smith says:

    I completely agree with the part about being old enough to vote, drink and go to WAR (seriously, that’s a big word there Lola, War!) but you question if they are old enough to decide whom they can sleep with???
    Great post Dirk, fuck the haters, they are gonna hate, they are going to lie awake at night starring at the ceiling and dream up ways to hate even more when the sun comes up!

  16. shawn says:

    Seriously people need to take a realistic look at this. its Fantasy yes but how bout we remember Hugh Heffner his girlfriends are actually younger than his daughters possibly granddaughters and he’s perfectly acceptable. dirk is a lot hotter than Heffner

  17. Mike says:

    I find it erotic & steamy & hot nothing wrong with it personally. I like older men with younger amen bring it on. Dirk & Jesse are my favorite video’s & porn actors, aside from Michael Brandon

  18. JJ says:

    Porn is a fantasy if you don’t like the plot then watch it for the fucking(which was very hot in this series) and if you don’t like the fucking in it or can’t get past the plot then it’s pretty simple stop watching it.

    As far as it making the gay community look bad to the straights, i’m pretty sure the straights watching gay porn are very gay friendly.

    The age difference isn’t a big deal either like you said a 21-25 year old damn well knows what they want sexually and not to sound cliche but age is just number. In fact when I was 16 I knew what I wanted(at the time it was a 26 year old student teacher) nothing ever happened the age difference was too much for him but it didn’t change the way I felt/feel about it now.

    Further more plenty of straight men in their 40s date women in their 20s and most people don’t say anything about the age difference. So saying anything about an age difference in the case of two men is just hypocritical.

    Lastly I full agree with you about living our own lives with out worrying or tip toeing around what others think. Worst of all as you said we quickly jump to judgement with in our own community. I’m in a relationship with a 42 year old man, i’m 23 and we get more judgement from the LGBTQ community then we do from the straight. We(the LGBTQ community) need to do what we ask the straight community to do stop judging.

  19. Tristan says:

    I understand where you are coming from it’s porn it’s self people need to think about. Alot of people get confused or carried away with fantasy for reality for example bare with me it’s a long read but I just wanna get my point across.
    1. (In a porn storyline a woman or guy gets raped) in reality a couple can act out that storyline but it could go horrible wrong if you get my point.
    2. (In a porn storyline a person is getting tortured and abused) again in reality a couple will try something like that and it will go horrible wrong.
    The fact of the matter is porn isn’t a fantasy anymore it’s become a reality alot of pedophiles and rapists always give (watching porn) as their answer in committing their crimes.
    Anyway that’s my opinion never judge someone when we are not perfect ourselves and be who you were born to be and you will set the world on fire.

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