Boston lives up to reputation

This relates to my earlier blog entry dealing with how to say hello to a porn star. I wear kilts. Inveterately. I mean, really, my heritage is Scots. So I was out this eve in my Black Watch kilt, full dress, with friends, and ended up at Boston’s gay mecca Club Cafe. The eve was just ended abruptly by what I presume was a fan, someone I didn’t know, reaching up under my kilt from behind and fondling me. Security swooped in and threw ME out, no explanation, but a hell of a lot of “You invited..” and “Well you’re a porn star so of course our patrons…” Boston, really? In NYC OR Chicago or SF or LA, maybe someone might be shown out for being caught in the bathroom doing drugs or something surreptitiously in the stall. I was standing in the middle of your bar… Trust me, Boston, your gay scene sucks anyway, but Club Cafe will never see me inside their doors ever again. And no loss as far as I’m concerned; if their patrons are going to treat me that way, good fucking riddance.

ADDENDUM: It’s the next morning, and I’m a lot less steamed, so I suppose I can say this in defense of the security guy who saw the event and showed me the door: he probably didn’t see me react negatively to the grope fast enough. My first thought was that it was one of the friends I was talking to being overly fresh and I just disregarded it figuring they’d stop in a moment. When I realized that all hands were accounted for, I had to stop and look at this guy and ask myself if in fact I did know him. By the time I was pretty certain I didn’t and was starting to fix him with the best withering regard I could muster, security was on me. Still, only I and my buddies were shown the door; the offending stranger slipped back into the club.


  1. Keir Mundy says:

    You are a porn star…but because you are a porn star that doesn’t mean everybody has a right to put their hands on you. You shouldn’t have been thrown out of that club because some member touched you.

    I wouldn’t go back to their club.

  2. Steven Gibson says:

    Dirk, I totally agree man, I’m not in the porn Industry, but I hate it at sex on site venues and gay pubs, here in Australia, when guys just think they can grope, without any kinda invitation from me, I’ve slapped one guy, and I mean I slapped him.
    As I said in Facebook, sue the Club Cafe management, & the security guard, but then that could take years.
    For what it’s worth, if I was going to feel anyone up, I at least ask first, but that’s not the kinda thing I’d do, perhaps it’s like you said, never ever go back, I gave up gay pubs here for the same reasons.

  3. Gary Whitehead says:

    Well said, its discusting that people will treat you differently because of your job, so by those rules an actor is allways lying a police officer is allways honest a fireman cannot be an arsonist are a handsome guy you have a beutful husband a great life great friends you don’t need idiots like these, love and peace .Gary from England

  4. Terry says:

    Good on you for standing up to this kind of thing. I once had an acquaintance come up from the carpark to my front door, I think he was scoring drugs off my speed dealing neighbour, and I foolishly let him in because he knows some close friends of mine. The minute he was in the door he was really insistently demanding sex. I said no. Then he just thrust his hand down my pants. The nerve, threw him out, will never talk to him ever again.

  5. DrK says:

    unfortunately the ignorance of people beyond the limits! the most important is that they are just idiots! love you guys admire as well as many more!

  6. monique says:

    Wow I am shocked that someone would take it upon themselves to feel that they have the right to grope you. For the clubs sercurity to throw you out and without. Proper explaintion is absurd.

    I mean you are a person more than you are an adult erotic actor. I see you as an interesting person I mean you are multifatcid. I was telling a friend that my ultimate gift is to site have lunch with you and your hubby and just talk music, movies, books and sports. I was told it was a pipe dream because your an actor.

    But getting back to the topic at hand the jerk off who groped you should have been force to leave and the club needs to hire more intelligent bouncers and not the Cromagna Man from the Museum.

    Yeah next time come to NYC and we can see what trouble and I mean good wholse trouble we can get

    Your rock and let no one tell you other wise


    P.S. you look great in your kilt and have sexy gams..I am so envious u look beter in a kilt then I do in a skirt.

  7. Tam says:

    It’s unbelievable how people act, whether drunk or sober. It doesn’t matter if you’re male, female, a doctor, lawyer or porn star; no one has the right to put their hands on someone else. If you were a female in a skirt, cops would have been called, and more than likely the person who did the touching would have been slapped around by others in the bar. Just because you’re a man and in the porn industry does not make you free game when you’re out, and it doesn’t mean that you’re welcoming advances from random assholes. The bouncers/manager of the club really needed to be slapped for insinuating that you were “asking for it” because of how you were dressed.
    It angers me that you had to endure something like this; the mentality of people just plain scares me anymore. I’m sorry you had to endure something like this while out having fun. But just know that you have a ton of “normal” fans, which would respect your space and not treat you an animal at a petting zoo. You are fuckin awesome, so please remember that and fuck the ignorant people in this world!

  8. Eric Farr says:

    What the hell??? That is 50 shades of disrespectful!!!!! No one should touch ANYONE ANYWHERE without permission!!!! I have to deal with that sort of thing as well when I wear my kilt, so I touch them in the same place. They’re usually shocked, but I tell them that if you are going under my kilt without my permission, I will go in your underwear without your permission.

    As for the place throwing YOU out, you made the decision to never go there again, but you should also make it a point to rub their noses in the treatment of you, by making sure EVERYONE knows it .

  9. Squat Dog (Bob) says:

    Definitely disturbed to read your post this morning. With all the excitement, good will and just Boston Pride in the air this past week, this certainly puts a downer of your experience. I agree that CC is not one of my favorite places in town, and hope that one experience does not tarnish your overall view of the city. Wishing you the best… Bob

  10. Z.Allora says:

    I’ve never seen your movies & to be honest had no idea you were an actor. Not that it will change my posts on Facebook LOL…

    I HATE people being treated unfairly. It’s wrong and it sucks. The double standards and various ways of application of the rules make me insane.

    Hugs, Z.

  11. Rob says:

    Sorry Dirk you were subjected to such an event but being from Chicago myself, I’m not surprised. I can’t agree with you more about the “bar” scene here and the reaction should have been different regarding the situation. But I run across the “entitled” attitude way too much in this city and for someone to play with you uninvited no matter WHO you are or what you are wearing is a poor excuse to throw you out of a bar, lame or not. I could see if you were in a different setting, say IML market or Folsom where someone touching would occur but it certainly would not have the same result.

  12. Liz says:

    Wow, what a stunning turn of events. You didn’t mention it, but I hope the ass who groped you was also tossed out of the club. And what kinds of idiots are running this place? Did it not occur to them the fact that you and Jesse are sometimes there could attract new customers?

    I recently learned about you and Jesse following the Facebook banning incident, and I’ve enjoyed reading about your “porn romance.” While looking at a photo Jesse posted on FB, I saw something that revealed his real name. From there, I easily found your composer page. I’m hesitant to say what it was in this public forum as you might want to keep that as private as possible, so now that I’ve left this comment, you have my e-mail address and can get in touch with me for the details.

  13. Karen Candido says:

    Im really sad to say I am from Boston right now. That someone here would treat you with such disrespect is horrible. I am watching the parade for the sox right now and was just thinking it was amazing how this town comes together. This just reminds me not is everything what they seem.

    • Dirk says:

      Karen, it’s not Boston in general that’s like this. Watch how this city came together after the marathon bombing; what other city would have completely shut itself down voluntarily to facilitate the manhunt? The civic pride and historic consciousness here is incredible. Gay life and gay men here have a terrible reputation in other cities, though, and it was just disappointing in front of friends visiting from Austin and Chicago to have the reputation proven true.

  14. John H says:

    Dear Dirk, it’s called respect and boundaries which apparently this patron shows no ability to abide by. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Porn Star or any Joe Schmoo off the street. No one should be putting their hands on anyone. For you to be treated that way by security is rather appauling.

  15. I have had guys reach under my kilt, dresses, and up my daisy dukes to fondle my junk and rub my hole in places like that. It pisses me off to no end that they do that!
    At a party 2 years ago I was wearing a brand new dress utilikilt and some some shot broad decided she wanted to see my junk, so she lifted my kilt and looked before I had a chance to react, my owner slapped her down rather quickly and the incident never repeated itself because she was banned from all future gatherings.

    Just because you are a porn star does not give ANYONE carte’ blanche to grab your shit, finger your ass or touch any other part of you.

  16. Roberto Garcia, Jr. says:

    I good for porn gay how you together. I will be your friend in Chicago. I but think about boston in Club like guy. I have your jesse see like nice. So you because true your gay scene sucks anyway.

  17. Jim Crooks says:

    So Sorry that happened to you. it happend to me several years ago but it was the Club owner that was reaching between my legs, I am not a Porn Star just a Local Talent ( Singer) But anyway..
    you are better than that guy and alwasy will be.

  18. Dennis McQuaid says:

    There’s always an Asshole wherever U go! Maybe the management should apologize yo U. The explanation that U r a porn star so u invite this behavior is similar to telling a pretty girl it’s her fault she got raped!

  19. bernard says:


  20. Joe says:

    I have never had a positive experience with a kilt in a gay venue. I am happiest wearing it to St Andrews Dinners and Highland Games. It just seems a dishonor to my tartan and clan to wear it like fetish gear. I find respect amongst gays lacking more and more these days. I remember a couple of decades ago when adult film actors were treated like celebrities. I guess the internet has changed that with so many videos and the vast numbers of talent. Not that there is any excuse for not respecting another man. I am outraged that you were mistreated.

  21. TJ says:

    I cannot imagine doing that to someone, but I cannot figure out why you were thrown out.

  22. FLYFOTO says:

    Allow me to apologize on behalf of all the gay men in Boston…. I am so sorry that you were treated in this manner. Really. It is clearly not representational of the larger gay community here in Boston and it embarasses me that your impression of our city has been peppered so.

    I will refrain on commenting on the venue in which this incident occured but will state that it is absolutely NOT the gay mecca of Boston and I am not at all surpised that it happened at this establishment. You will find however that there are other much more evolved clubs and nightspots here where the patrons will not be as recklessly bold and the staff as rude.

    You are fully entitled to be angry.


  23. Jason (jdawgie) says:

    Damn, I am gonna really refrain from getting on my SOAPBOX. This is sooo wrong in many ways, and the establishment you were in Dirk owes you a HUGE apology.. in my opinion. Sorry this happened to you handsome! I will stop now before I get to heated on this… Hugs handsome Brother!

  24. Fred Charles says:

    General Charles de Gaulle once said “Take altitude, it’s not crowed up there”. Meaning, only the crust, the scum remain on the surface. This Café was not worthy of your presence in the first place. Ignore them like barking dogs and let your caravan pursue its way to the right oasis. Peace 🙂

  25. TJ says:

    You guys are way cool.

  26. Roberto Garcia, Jr. says:

    Sorry this happened to you handsome!

  27. Dee says:

    Love that town, Hate that scene. I’ve never had a worse time going out with friends than in Boston. I never do drugs, throw fisticuffs, drink to excess or groop people, but I’ve still generally had an unpleasant time out there.

    I always look forward to being in Boston, I just grit my teeth when it comes to things like this.

  28. Tora Highman says:

    Oh Please! So you won’t be back anytime soon??? GOOD!!
    As if we need a prostitute and porn “star” trolling thru the city with his D list porn star boyfriend telling us what he thinks of us. I’m sure you were screaming. “Do YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” as they were throwing your tired ass out the door. Stay in New York where your Chelsea attitude seems to be well placed. And take that jack-ass Jesse back with you. You might have just taken being thrown out as a hint….but maybe they didn’t want you there in the first place.

    • Tommysole says:

      You seem like a horses ass.

    • Dirk says:

      Thank you, Tora, for providing so perfect an example of precisely what this blog post is about. You’ve simply agreed with the club management that by nature of my unorthodox garment (let alone what I do for occasional extra income) it was entirely permissible for a man to sexually violate me in a public place. This is precisely the provincial attitude expected of Boston from far more worldly-wise places like… well, New York City for one. If anyone doubts your small-mindedness, they can google your name or email address and read through the similar such comments you leave on so many other blogs and sites. Calling them closed-minded is an understatement, though I also have to add that the misdirected “christianess” you spout is naive at best and your abject racism is breathtaking. I had an ex whose mother had a saying, “Stupid is never happy until the entire room knows exactly how stupid Stupid is.” Case in point. Please shut up and stop contributing to my city’s low reputation.

    • “Tore a hymen”? Funny. Not too original though. Not too smart either… the next time you post one of your nasty comments you might consider masking your IP address.… hmm… how’s Verizon FiOS working out for you? I’ve considered ditching Comcast for them but never made the switch. By the way, you might consider securing port 4567 on your router because it’s a pretty serious vulnerability to leave your internet connection exposed like that. It’s a good thing for you that this D-list pornstar jackass boyfriend is actually a really nice guy.

    • M.J. says:

      Maybe this will come easier from a woman, (something I hope you will aspire to become yourself at some later date). You really have absolutely NO CLUE, as to how to behave in a public forum; (exhibited quite extraordinarily in your response to this post), let me help.
      1. Your backwoods attitude to anything that may exist outside of your “hell’s kitchen thug’s old lady” existence is simply put…sad and pathetic.
      2. Your assumptions as to the behavior of two people you have never met in person; much less witnessed at the time of this event is, once again simply put…ignorant.
      3. Your opinion of said participants to this actual event; ONCE AGAIN, SIMPLY PUT…is obviously based on…well, WAIT…WHAT EXACTLY HAVE YOU BASED THIS OPINION ON??? Are you a fan of gay porn? Do you follow both of these men’s blogs, facebook pages or movie careers??? OOOOH!!! WAIT A SECOND!!! I used the word CAREER!
      *side note Tora. A career is a JOB, one that makes you money enough to pay your bills to a certain standard of living that you choose is acceptable.
      These two men, not only have lucrative CAREERS, they hold a level of celebrity that is accomplished and respected in their field. (If anyone put their hand up the skirt of , let’s say, Julia Roberts, while she was out with her gal pals, this guy would have been fish food!) Shame on you for trying to destroy generations of hard work and suffering by the entire feminist movement by REpromoting double standards! Thanks for that!
      5. As for the establishment having never wanted these gentlemen in their establishment in the first place, that, my dear girl is what door men get paid to do. These employees had ample opportunity prior to this incident to ask these men to leave based on a dislike of them or their behavior; they did not, they accepted their money AND the draw of having relevant celebrities in their club.
      6. The ONLY conclusion I can come up with for you to be so angry and hostile in defense of the club employees; I must ask Tora…did you find out that evening that your hell’s kitchen thug preferred a little man meat when he upskirted ol’ Dirk here????

      A little advice: maybe your man should keep his hands to himself, and you should refrain from throwing the old proverbial stones at people you don’t know, understand, or compare to in the least.
      Read a blog now and then. These two men ARE gentlemen in a committed relationship, they are educated, well written and seemingly very sincere in their quest to live their lives on their own terms and beholden to no one but themselves.
      NOBODY has the right to touch another human being without invitation! Being female, you are expected to understand this innately!

    • Jeff says:

      Well, I must say, that you are being a bit judgmental. Just because he is a porn star, and JUST because his husband is a porn star, doesn’t mean that they should be treated any differently from anyone else. They should expect to NOT be groped by someone, JUST because of their profession. Personal space is personal space, male or female, and whatever you do, NO ONE has a right to invade it, ESPECIALLY because of what they are wearing!

    • Lisa says:

      What a piece of work you are! WHO’S trolling? There is no reason to come here to post just to be nasty. And if you really feel the need to do so, at least have the guts to use your real name. Crawl back under your rock.

  29. Mike Weakley says:

    Dirk & Jesse, it does take one to know one. I think the situation is that said person is the one who is doing the deed instead of Dirk, plus I think a hot sexy muscle stud like Dirk in a kilt is hot, especially if he is not wearing anything underneath. And NO U R not a D-list jackass.

  30. Mark Anthony says:

    Several years back I used to strip locally. Between the gyms I worked out at & stripping I was pretty recognizable. Going to the club on a busy night & walking through or onto the dance floor led men to believe they could paw at me & especially my nips. My chest is very muscular & my nipples pierced. But WRONG. I was always polite but always told them that wasn’t cool. It finally got around but there where several that didn’t quite believe me when I told them I would break their wrist if they did it again. Though I never did, about half a dozen left the bar with sprained wrists.

  31. jadie76 says:

    The definition of class, Dirk & Jesse. Well said.

  32. Kc says:

    Dirk so sorry this happened to you, I was Mr.Boston in 1994, a group of friends went there for some cocktail before an event , had about the same experience there. It seems for some reason Boston doesn’t think the leather community belongs there. So I’m sorry you had that experience there, we all have to live together with each other.

  33. joes says:

    Hey leave chealsea out o it me and my boyfriend dont need hookers like you tora trashing it jesse dirk im big fans of both of you unfotunatley i cant afford either of your sites but im a big fan of your blog to jesse you dont deserve to be treated like that at all dirk

  34. Dirk Beach-Barrow says:

    Dirk – as a fellow Scot, Kiltwearer, and Dirk (my nickname), I completely agree with you! Just because I’m wearing a kilt does NOT mean that you have free license to stick your hand up my kilt without having the courtesy to ASK FIRST. Now if you were going around the bar lifting your kilt and showing your Meat & Veg & Crumpets to everyone, that would be different. I have to agree with you about the Boston bar scene – worse most boring gay bars I’ve ever been in – EVEN CHARLESTON SC HAS BETTER BARS!! You and Jesse should CUM to Palm Springs sometime for a visit!!

  35. Xiong says:

    Tora the world doesnt revolve around you only. Why do you care so much about these two gentleman. You call them troll but yet you seem to be the one trolling.

  36. Kanili says:

    I hope you come the MAL next year. We will show you the respect that you are entitled.

  37. Roberto Garcia, Jr. says:

    yeah you are better like about guy jesse so nice gentleman like gay will your boyfriend?

  38. David Rouleau says:

    I stand behind Dirk and feel he was just defending himself. He got the shitty end of the stick.

  39. Kevinton says:

    Jesse and Dirk, Love you guys and thanks for entertaining me and getting my cock hard with your movies.. Tora go fuck yourself.. jackass..

  40. Fred Charles says:

    Respect is due to each and every human being no matter what walk of life they choose. More so if a man like Dirk Caber made it his occupation to give pleasure and offer joy to his fans. Who is to judge? Has tolerance lost its meaning? This man is lucky enough to be surrounded by a loving & caring companion, and a hord of people who wish him well, not to mention his fans. The rest of them bigots and dimwits can go to hell!

  41. steven says:

    There was a 1970 war movie called Tora! Tora! Tora! about the bombing of Pearl Harbor…well, in this case…Tora, put a tampon where the sun don’t shine and light it..because that’s the only bang you’ll ever get! As for Jesse and Dirk..keep on fighting! You guys rock!

  42. Oh my it’s the craziest thing EVER! wearing a kilt INVITES inappropriate groping. TAlk about reverse discrimination! Sheesh!

  43. John G says:

    I kind of agree with you on our gay scene in Boston. Its too splintered and sad. And there is no reason for a stranger to put his hand up your kilt. Porn star or not. I hope it doesn’t put you off of visiting Boston again. HUGS

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