Pressing the Flesh

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He’s stunning, he’s gorgeous, he fucks like an animal and takes cocks the size of small buildings.  You’re utterly in lust, you’d kill to meet him, and you’ve just found out…  your absolute favorite porn star is coming to a bar near you.  Of COURSE you’re going!  You know he’s not a cologne fan so you don’t shower, you dress your hottest, and you arrive, and SHIT there he is!  Smiling and chatting and being encouraged to get up on the gogo box for a few minutes.  You have a drink for courage, join the group wanting to talk to him, get within speaking distance of him and…

Grab his ass.

Okay, no.  This happens more often than I’d like to report, that some I’m sure perfectly nice guy in a crowd finds it somehow meaningful to grope me instead of engaging me.  I know that junk goes on camera for you all to watch, but that doesn’t really mean I brought it with me just so you could play with it.  And really, was that two second mashing of my glute really all that satisfying?  Don’t you really want more from me than just that?

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Come up and say HELLO.  Shake my hand (the HAND, okay?).  Smile.  Start a conversation about something that isn’t necessarily porn.  All of us on-screen sorts have lives away from the adult industries, and most of us have some biographical information online somewhere; do a little legwork and figure out something we have in common and can relate about.  Um, don’t try to talk model railroading with a model if you don’t know anything about it; find something easy that you both have some background in.  Classical music is always an easy bet with me, as are architecture and fitness…  Sure, mention a favorite scene, but don’t expect great lengthy discourses about the philosophy of the depiction or the subtext of the plot; this is PORN after all and there isn’t (usually) any such thing!  About the most we really can say about any given shoot was if it was fun or exhausting or both or my god that guy had a HUGE cock, what a ride…  And finally, whatever way the conversation goes, remember that we’re probably there being paid by the bar owner or promoter to talk to ALL the patrons in the place; be gracious, talk for a few minutes, and then step aside and let us do our job.

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We’re probably standing there showing off a bit of skin.  It’s like passing within arm’s reach of a piano keyboard, I know it’s almost impossible not to reach out and strike a chord as you go by.  Be understanding that there are different modes of that sort of tactile greeting: handshakes are neutral, safe, affable; at the other extreme is reaching for the erogenous zones.  This sort of outreach has an inherent “acquisatory” character; unless I know you or that sort of approach is expressly welcomed, it’s just rude.  If you must touch, do something more invitational: a hand at the small of the back, across the shoulders, ruffle my hair (I don’t use product in my hair, so it’s safe to do that with me!), but be sensitive to what my response is; if it’s not welcome (and that may actually have nothing to do with you expressly, you understand), stop.  And finally, whatever you do, if I look around to see who’s hand that is, don’t disappear–nobody loves a coward; back up to the previous paragraph here and start with a smile and say “HELLO”.  You’re far more likely to get far further with any of us this way than…  Well, touching my ass or crotch means you’re only interested in one part of me, and I’m there to show more of myself than just something you could’ve just downloaded on your computer.  And as sensitive as mine are, twisting my nips only turns me on in certain situations; do it hard enough in a bar and it only makes me want to slam your teeth into the edge of the bar about as hard as I can.  That shit fucking hurts, as evidently you guys who don’t have wired nips will never know…

Come up to us like we’re friends.  Treat us like your peers and equals.  I think you might be amazed to find…  you’ve just made a friend, and that’ll get you far further with your favorite porn star than perhaps you ever might expect, ya know?  Believe it or not, it’s what most of us would prefer too.  COME SAY HI!

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19 comments

  1. Monique says:

    The next time you are in the New York City I will.myu guys are more than just actors you are very down to earth men. I will love to be not just a fan but a friend.

  2. frankie says:

    Well said…I saw you at the Eagle LA awhile ago..It was very noisy and you were with friends. I said hello and told you I was a fan…You gave me a big smile and said thanks and asked my name!!! That was great! Have a great summer!!! Hope your move-in has been completed…

  3. bernard says:

    PORN STARS ARE HUMAN BEINGS WITH FEELINGS AND ASPIRATIONS LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. IF A PERSON GROPE,KISS,TOUCH YOUR NIPPLES WITH OUT YOUR CONSENT THEY CAN BE CHARGED WITH ASSAULT OR SEXUAL ABUSE WHICH IS A VERY SERIOUS OFFENSE…..NO ONE HAS A RIGHT TO TOUCH YOU UNLESS YOU SAY YES…….IF I MET YOU IN PERSON I WOULD ASK YOU CAN I TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU OR MAY I PUT MY ARM AROUND YOUR WAIST TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU…..NOT COME UP TO YOU AND GRAB YOU….SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST ASSHOLES.

  4. John Nashbear says:

    Dirk, well said. I like that. Have to say, I discovered you via your hubby and I enjoy reading about the both of your adventures. I would like to meet you sometime if nothing more than to talk music. I play the French horn (less now than when in college) and I would love to discuss it sometime. Hopefully will get to meet you. Thanks!

  5. john aka lola simba felina says:

    well said. back in the day when i did drag people acted as if i was too good to talk to. sort of made me feel out of place and alone. now i do my garden thing and other stuff. miss the stage in a way but in a way not. take care Dirk.

  6. I must confess that, in spite of being a hornball Cuban, I could not imaging grabbing another man’s ass like that, much less a porn star. It does not even cross my fantasies.

    I AM far from shy, but I would probably be working hard not to drool in public, I promsise, Dirk, that if you and I are a few feet away from each other, I shall say hello or at least try to speak intelligibly.

  7. Doug says:

    I just have to tell you too…YOU ARE SO FUCKING HOT!! You & Jesse are such a GREAT couple and I LOVE seeing you 2 together…especially in your videos you post!! Keep up the GREAT work and I hope to run into you someday. In fact, you were only 1 1/2 hours away from me when you were in Rochester, NY!! TOO BAD for ME!! Love you guys…Doug.

  8. Peter94 says:

    After saying HI, I might secretly want to give you a brief hug, and maybe even would work up the courage to ask. But you always ask before any contact with someone (other than a handshake). That’s just manners!

    • Doug says:

      I just want to meet BOTH of these HOT STUDS!! Just a fantasy of mine to be with 2 VERY HOT, MUSCLED MEN!!! PHEW…would be a dream cum true!!! Keep up the GREAT PICS and the GREAT VIDEOS!!!! Doug

  9. Kage Alan says:

    I’ve never actually gone to an event where a porn star has been present. Come to think of it, my friend, J.P. Barnaby (who’s in one other pictures above), just introduced me to porn. Yes, she’s taken my innocence (trying to keep a straight face here).

    Seriously, though, the process you describe meeting someone in the industry at a bar is exactly how I’d think it should be done, with politeness, a little class and a little knowledge of something that could become a short conversation. Very nicely stated post, sir. =)

  10. Doug says:

    Just have to say…next time you BOTH are in Rochester, NY…let me know and would LOVE to meet you at the SPA!! HOT place, especially if you come on the 3rd Sat. night of the month…BAR NIGHT!!! LOTS of HOT guys out and you 2 would be the HOTTEST ones here!! In fact, I’m here now!! Hope to have fun! XOXO, Doug

  11. Antonio says:

    I’ve just found your blog and I think it’s really interesting. I was quiet inspired by the post of “Perspective”. And now this post has made me laugh and write this question: Are you ever gonna share the music you make??

    Because I (like anyone else in here) OBVIOUSLY enjoy to watch your body, and read about your porn life… but what really caught my attention was the fact that you graduated on some music career… And I was completely excited about the idea of a great hunk porn star writing classical music (as i love classical music myself, and have began to write some little compositions).

    So I hope you read this comment, and share something about your musical work with us!

    Greetings from Mexico.

  12. Willie says:

    Wow Mr Caber, learning about you has been very encouraging and surprising. I know it’s possible to accomplish a lot of work when you dedicate your time but some people just seem to accomplish an amazing amount and appear to be ‘miles ahead’. I am a pianist in New Orleans having just moved from a decade in NYC playing all over. If you come see us I would enjoy meeting you.

    Wishing you the best, Willie

  13. Anonymous Orch Dork Fan says:

    I’m curious about your musical background! Blog about that!

  14. Mark says:

    I have been successful with asking for a hug from the porn stars I’ve met out and about. What about hugs, Dirk?

  15. Anarch Peak says:

    You say “hey girl hey” can I interest you in a conversation over here where it is more quiet? You then say so “how are you really” and then listen. What first and foremost needs to be understood is that this is not a sex symbol, it is person, a human, with subjectivity and dreams and desires and humanity. You see past the projected image to the heart of this person’s humanity, that must be in the forefront. That is how I have always been when meeting porn stars, they are some very lovely people and some of the most profound human beings when you get them talking, but there it is, and I generally have a softer approach with people in general.

  16. Achilles says:

    A heart of pure gold .. and thats all that matters .

  17. Julio says:

    We often forget to put artists in human context and instead objectify them. Not because we’re bad people, but because we forget about their humanity. Thanks for sharing this post and reminding us that behind the hot bods and sex, there is still a very normal human willing to engage you if you have the courage to approach them.

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