Archive for June 5, 2013

Pressing the Flesh

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He’s stunning, he’s gorgeous, he fucks like an animal and takes cocks the size of small buildings.  You’re utterly in lust, you’d kill to meet him, and you’ve just found out…  your absolute favorite porn star is coming to a bar near you.  Of COURSE you’re going!  You know he’s not a cologne fan so you don’t shower, you dress your hottest, and you arrive, and SHIT there he is!  Smiling and chatting and being encouraged to get up on the gogo box for a few minutes.  You have a drink for courage, join the group wanting to talk to him, get within speaking distance of him and…

Grab his ass.

Okay, no.  This happens more often than I’d like to report, that some I’m sure perfectly nice guy in a crowd finds it somehow meaningful to grope me instead of engaging me.  I know that junk goes on camera for you all to watch, but that doesn’t really mean I brought it with me just so you could play with it.  And really, was that two second mashing of my glute really all that satisfying?  Don’t you really want more from me than just that?

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Come up and say HELLO.  Shake my hand (the HAND, okay?).  Smile.  Start a conversation about something that isn’t necessarily porn.  All of us on-screen sorts have lives away from the adult industries, and most of us have some biographical information online somewhere; do a little legwork and figure out something we have in common and can relate about.  Um, don’t try to talk model railroading with a model if you don’t know anything about it; find something easy that you both have some background in.  Classical music is always an easy bet with me, as are architecture and fitness…  Sure, mention a favorite scene, but don’t expect great lengthy discourses about the philosophy of the depiction or the subtext of the plot; this is PORN after all and there isn’t (usually) any such thing!  About the most we really can say about any given shoot was if it was fun or exhausting or both or my god that guy had a HUGE cock, what a ride…  And finally, whatever way the conversation goes, remember that we’re probably there being paid by the bar owner or promoter to talk to ALL the patrons in the place; be gracious, talk for a few minutes, and then step aside and let us do our job.

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We’re probably standing there showing off a bit of skin.  It’s like passing within arm’s reach of a piano keyboard, I know it’s almost impossible not to reach out and strike a chord as you go by.  Be understanding that there are different modes of that sort of tactile greeting: handshakes are neutral, safe, affable; at the other extreme is reaching for the erogenous zones.  This sort of outreach has an inherent “acquisatory” character; unless I know you or that sort of approach is expressly welcomed, it’s just rude.  If you must touch, do something more invitational: a hand at the small of the back, across the shoulders, ruffle my hair (I don’t use product in my hair, so it’s safe to do that with me!), but be sensitive to what my response is; if it’s not welcome (and that may actually have nothing to do with you expressly, you understand), stop.  And finally, whatever you do, if I look around to see who’s hand that is, don’t disappear–nobody loves a coward; back up to the previous paragraph here and start with a smile and say “HELLO”.  You’re far more likely to get far further with any of us this way than…  Well, touching my ass or crotch means you’re only interested in one part of me, and I’m there to show more of myself than just something you could’ve just downloaded on your computer.  And as sensitive as mine are, twisting my nips only turns me on in certain situations; do it hard enough in a bar and it only makes me want to slam your teeth into the edge of the bar about as hard as I can.  That shit fucking hurts, as evidently you guys who don’t have wired nips will never know…

Come up to us like we’re friends.  Treat us like your peers and equals.  I think you might be amazed to find…  you’ve just made a friend, and that’ll get you far further with your favorite porn star than perhaps you ever might expect, ya know?  Believe it or not, it’s what most of us would prefer too.  COME SAY HI!

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