Amazing the way some guys behave

Some months ago I was shocked to read that a fellow that I knew only barely but who seemed the truest and most genuine of fellows had ended his life.  I found him sweet, smart, caring, and admittedly rather shy.  I still have no true understanding of what demons may have been pursuing him as they seem to have been something I’ve had no experience myself, but I can say he was health-oriented, devoted to his boyfriend, and successful as a businessman.  I couldn’t say if I’d have made better friends or not, as I’d moved from NYC by the time I met him and only ran into him occasionally, but it was always a pleasure to say hello.

I read the report of his death in a number of places, notably the article in OUT magazine online, and was dismayed to read the number of hateful, judgemental, bitter, and absolutely ill-informed comments left by readers.  Even IF Dror had been a hustler (which he wasn’t), a drug user (which he categorically was NOT), a lonely man (he was private; so what?), or in any way a failure (which he absolutely wasn’t), I just can’t believe that any thinking person would ever commit such sentiments to print.  What does it say about us as a community of gay men if we’re so fast to crucify one of our own?  This is a pattern repeated in comments to Joe. My. God.’s rather factual account, and another on Bossip, I’m sure among many others, and now following a really eloquent article on Huffington Post written by Michael Lucas (which will draw out the hateful comments in and of itself).

Really, guys.  It doesn’t matter whether we enjoy porn, if we do it openly or pretend we don’t and just watch it with our doors locked, shades pulled, and our lights turned off with the sound turned off.  It doesn’t matter whether we know someone or not, it doesn’t matter if we think they’re a good person or not.  The fellow is dead, evidently due to some demon in his life which he may or may not have any control over (and his seem to be a product of his childhood and family–are you really going to judge that?).  How classless, tasteless, and cruel do we have to be to write such things in a place where people who actually knew and loved this guy are going to read it?

I have a thought.  Perhaps such statements say a hell of a lot more about the comment writer.  Truly, if you were comfortable and confident in your own skin, you wouldn’t feel it needful to make horrific comments about anyone else.  Indeed, you wouldn’t feel any need even to have to believe these things because you would know that these things, true or false, don’t affect you.  Jesus, guys, grow up already, stop trying to make yourself feel better by claiming other men must have been more miserable, and start making something more out of your own pathetic lives.  Trust me, as someone on the other side of that line–you’ll be a hundred times happier.

Rest in peace, Dror.  Despite these idiots.


  1. Rocky says:

    I am so pleased you and Michael are addressing the hate filled posting about not just Dror but the insensitive attacks on defenseless. Words have power and can hurt.

  2. ken says:

    While I agree with the idea behind what you wrote, I glanced at the comments over at JoeMyGod and didn’t find them that offensive. Mostly they were back and forth about the “doucheyness” of a comment that said that “there was no reason for a beauty like this to end his life.” (Kind of a douchey thing to say but probably more poorly worded than anything else. IMHO people overreacted to the comment. At length.) There were also some comments from people who were depressed/bipolar, which were interesting, as well as a few tributes from people who knew Dror. Aside from the tiresome “docheyness”debate, in general I found the tone respectful.

    I’d be more inclined to get angry at the New York Post, who outed Dror to his day job.

  3. Dirk Caber says:

    Hey, Ken! Missing you– Are you two coming to IML this year? Or do I have to wait until Folsom to see you again?

    I know the comments on JMG weren’t quite so venomous; there were some some days ago which are not there now, so perhaps he did some judicious editorial pruning of the burning bush… However, even those “douchey” comments… Is this REALLY the forum for airing all that? Um, no, they’re not directly offensive, but if that’s what someone needs to reply to… Heh, they should get their own blog and do it there.

    And yes, whoever it was at the NYPost who violated Dror’s private life with that story should rot in hell for it, agreed.

  4. Eddy says:

    I am just starting to read the rest of your blog and this is the first time I am reading this post. Good post and heartfelt but being a quintessential Scorpio I need to voice my views (since you mentioned that you like to push a guy’s buttons and like him to push back).

    The last few lines was a little unnecessary. The very perpetrators of hate are simply people who are suffering and might very well be susceptible to taking their own lives too. Imagine if one reads about the death of someone who might be less than noble, how would we feel? I would think that we would feel strong compassion as well. I feel we should stop there, instead of converting that sadness into anger and spite.

    I guess some parts of your more personal posts frustrates me. Maybe because I imagined you to be close to perfect on the inside (which I know that no one is). But at the same time I am trying to see it, or feel it from your point of view. Hope you understand, Ed

    Btw, I did post a link on Jesse’s blog which has a video of my friend sleeping, and it bears a certain resemblance to you, wierd.

  5. TJ says:

    Just a little thought to ad to this. People will always be judgemental on things they don’t understand. This they will fight out of fear. But just so everyone has an insight depression is the greatest fight anyone will face during their life. And it is a losing battle. Because you can not win a war on the greatest advesary, yourself. It is a lonely place, a dark and empty existence where you are damning yourself to an eternity of loneliness. No matter how many of those surround you that care about you, one is always lonely beating oneself up with being a failure.

    I just wish People would shut the fuck up about things they have nevet had to deal with, and just tried to get to know each other before passing judgement. And I wish parents would teach their children that it is okay to be different. That out skin tone, relegion, sexuality are not the main atributes that define us.

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