Some months ago I was shocked to read that a fellow that I knew only barely but who seemed the truest and most genuine of fellows had ended his life. I found him sweet, smart, caring, and admittedly rather shy. I still have no true understanding of what demons may have been pursuing him as they seem to have been something I’ve had no experience myself, but I can say he was health-oriented, devoted to his boyfriend, and successful as a businessman. I couldn’t say if I’d have made better friends or not, as I’d moved from NYC by the time I met him and only ran into him occasionally, but it was always a pleasure to say hello.
I read the report of his death in a number of places, notably the article in OUT magazine online, and was dismayed to read the number of hateful, judgemental, bitter, and absolutely ill-informed comments left by readers. Even IF Dror had been a hustler (which he wasn’t), a drug user (which he categorically was NOT), a lonely man (he was private; so what?), or in any way a failure (which he absolutely wasn’t), I just can’t believe that any thinking person would ever commit such sentiments to print. What does it say about us as a community of gay men if we’re so fast to crucify one of our own? This is a pattern repeated in comments to Joe. My. God.’s rather factual account, and another on Bossip, I’m sure among many others, and now following a really eloquent article on Huffington Post written by Michael Lucas (which will draw out the hateful comments in and of itself).
Really, guys. It doesn’t matter whether we enjoy porn, if we do it openly or pretend we don’t and just watch it with our doors locked, shades pulled, and our lights turned off with the sound turned off. It doesn’t matter whether we know someone or not, it doesn’t matter if we think they’re a good person or not. The fellow is dead, evidently due to some demon in his life which he may or may not have any control over (and his seem to be a product of his childhood and family–are you really going to judge that?). How classless, tasteless, and cruel do we have to be to write such things in a place where people who actually knew and loved this guy are going to read it?
I have a thought. Perhaps such statements say a hell of a lot more about the comment writer. Truly, if you were comfortable and confident in your own skin, you wouldn’t feel it needful to make horrific comments about anyone else. Indeed, you wouldn’t feel any need even to have to believe these things because you would know that these things, true or false, don’t affect you. Jesus, guys, grow up already, stop trying to make yourself feel better by claiming other men must have been more miserable, and start making something more out of your own pathetic lives. Trust me, as someone on the other side of that line–you’ll be a hundred times happier.
Rest in peace, Dror. Despite these idiots.