Archive for April 28, 2012

Dirk Fucks Jesse

Check this out.  Then check out this little tidbit on Jesse’s blog. Watch this space… we *might* just have one or two (or three or four or…) more of these to share!

Amazing the way some guys behave

Some months ago I was shocked to read that a fellow that I knew only barely but who seemed the truest and most genuine of fellows had ended his life.  I found him sweet, smart, caring, and admittedly rather shy.  I still have no true understanding of what demons may have been pursuing him as they seem to have been something I’ve had no experience myself, but I can say he was health-oriented, devoted to his boyfriend, and successful as a businessman.  I couldn’t say if I’d have made better friends or not, as I’d moved from NYC by the time I met him and only ran into him occasionally, but it was always a pleasure to say hello.

I read the report of his death in a number of places, notably the article in OUT magazine online, and was dismayed to read the number of hateful, judgemental, bitter, and absolutely ill-informed comments left by readers.  Even IF Dror had been a hustler (which he wasn’t), a drug user (which he categorically was NOT), a lonely man (he was private; so what?), or in any way a failure (which he absolutely wasn’t), I just can’t believe that any thinking person would ever commit such sentiments to print.  What does it say about us as a community of gay men if we’re so fast to crucify one of our own?  This is a pattern repeated in comments to Joe. My. God.’s rather factual account, and another on Bossip, I’m sure among many others, and now following a really eloquent article on Huffington Post written by Michael Lucas (which will draw out the hateful comments in and of itself).

Really, guys.  It doesn’t matter whether we enjoy porn, if we do it openly or pretend we don’t and just watch it with our doors locked, shades pulled, and our lights turned off with the sound turned off.  It doesn’t matter whether we know someone or not, it doesn’t matter if we think they’re a good person or not.  The fellow is dead, evidently due to some demon in his life which he may or may not have any control over (and his seem to be a product of his childhood and family–are you really going to judge that?).  How classless, tasteless, and cruel do we have to be to write such things in a place where people who actually knew and loved this guy are going to read it?

I have a thought.  Perhaps such statements say a hell of a lot more about the comment writer.  Truly, if you were comfortable and confident in your own skin, you wouldn’t feel it needful to make horrific comments about anyone else.  Indeed, you wouldn’t feel any need even to have to believe these things because you would know that these things, true or false, don’t affect you.  Jesus, guys, grow up already, stop trying to make yourself feel better by claiming other men must have been more miserable, and start making something more out of your own pathetic lives.  Trust me, as someone on the other side of that line–you’ll be a hundred times happier.

Rest in peace, Dror.  Despite these idiots.


In the porn industry, one small measure of one’s success is the number of DVD box covers one appears on.  My sexy boyfriend Jesse Jackman, for instance, is scoring nearly 100% in terms of being featured on the covers of his films, and his handsome mug and sexy furry body have been seen in posters in shop windows from the Castro to Eighth Avenue in Chelsea, NYC, and probably far beyond.

I’ve appeared on a few covers, though not quite as front-and-center as Jesse has.  Notable have been Titan’s Rough line films Violated (with David Anthony) and Loud and Nasty (with with my sexy BF Jesse Jackman!), and in fact if you look really closely at any of my Rough video covers, you’ll find me if you know which disembodied elbow or shoulder to look for.  And by the way, if you want to pick up any of my eleven Titan films, you’re in luck… all of these DVDs (and dozens of others) are on sale for $29.95 each or 4 for $69.95 through the end of the year.

I appeared in two films this summer for Ray Dragon; whereas I’m not on the cover of Jake Deckard’s epically gorgeous film evoking 1970’s golden age classic gay porn Men in the Sand (in which I get fucked in the outdoor shower in the sunshine by the horse-hung super-sexy Josh West), if you look at the cover of Joe Gage’s spectacular feature After the Heist, you’ll find me lurking in the “print” of David Anthony’s jacket.

The end of this little tale starts when I brought Jesse a copy of my first COLT film, Fur Mountain, on DVD. I of course had looked at the cover and was of course completely engrossed in the fine photo of Wilfried Knight on the cover; it was Jesse who noticed the background.  He said, “Hey… I know that ass!”  A little looking through the rest of the cast, and verifying that it comes from a scene with Trent Locke where Trent was indeed wearing a blue t-shirt, and we’re pretty damn certain that I’m the only guy with that set of proportions.  Yup, that’s me, my backside sneaking onto the cover of my very first COLT film.

Kinda tickles me, ya know?

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And it's been three amazing years…

Right about this time three years ago Titan released my very first porn film.  Costarring the very sexy and hugely sweet Tony Vega, co-directed by Titan director Paul Wilde and the legendary Tony Buff, Kennel Master also featured scenes between Tristan Phoenix and Sami Damo as well as the titular puppy play scene between Tony Buff and Steven Daigle (and a non-sexual appearance as the dogshow ringmaster by Patrick Finger!).

So it was around February of 2010 that Paul Wilde, after about two years of dropping hints, finally convinced me to give porn a try.  It took us a few months to find a date that didn’t conflict with my work schedule in NYC, but that also gave me time to get over my panic about my physical shape and really put in some extra gym time.  By the time they suggested a date at the end of July, I had discovered that there were in fact abs under that tummy of mine and that they could actually show, and I was feeling a lot more confident.  Then they sent me a photo of my scene partner, and I had a moment of “wait a minute…”  Ages later I related this to Tony Vega, who quipped, “They sent you the photo that makes me look like I have Downs Syndrome, didn’t they?”  I pulled it up on my phone, and we both started laughing.

So I arrived in SF, still having no idea what I was about to get into.  Patrick, who was working as Titan’s talent coordinator in those days, picked me up at the airport and drove me to the studio to meet the crew.  This was the first time I’d actually met Paul face to face after a few years of online friendship; it was like I was finally meeting an uncle I’d heard stories about my whole life and was told I was so much alike; he’s still Virgil to my Dante in this little Divine Comedy of porn.  I also got to meet legendary Titan director Brian Mills, who took an instant shine to me…

As I was sticking around for Dore Alley after the shoot, I’d brought some extra clothes and gear, including my kilt.  Packing a kilt is a challenging process, so I’d simply worn it on the plane, and hence still had it on as I was meeting everyone.  As I’m standing there in the middle of the studio, amid walls of props and toys and boxes of costumes and lube and all, Brian looks at my feet, points down, and asks, “Are you doing that?”  I had simply started to precum, and dressed properly Scots, there was nothing to catch it, so…  I was simply dripping onto the floor.  I start to blush, and Brian’s response I think was “Cool…”  Judging by how much time is spent in my films since then focused on the sheer amount of precum I produce, I’d passed an inadvertent first audition then, I’d say!

Patrick then took me to the hotel, where I met Tony Vega, my scene partner.  Being the rookie meeting the veteran, I’d no idea what to expect in terms of a personality or attitude; Tony set me so at ease in no time flat though.  He’s smart, straightforward, playful, friendly.  I was a tad surprised, though, having heard stories about stars being almost forcibly kept away from each other before arriving on set, to find that we’d been assigned adjoining hotel rooms.  Indeed, many studios including Titan encourage less contact between costars ahead of time with the theory that that preserves the animal attraction of first encounter for the on-set filming.  This may well be true for many actors, but quite the contrary, I really think that by being able to spend the evening together, hitting the gym and finding some dinner, that we were able to establish an ease of connection that could only make my first shoot the next day so much easier.

You’d think getting on set for the very first time would be a nerve-wracking experience.  I’m a tad nervous nearly every time I walk onto set, even now.  Still, arriving to find a set empty except for a dog kennel, a suspended bondage table, and a shelf of candles and implements, and just a few cameras and lights…  And then there’s the last person I haven’t met yet, the one and only Tony Buff…  Okay, I got nervous.

Among the many things… Thank you addendum

Okay, so the other day I gushed profusely about how grateful I am to my boyfriend for all the help he’s been with getting this blog off the ground. It’s definitely true that it wouldn’t have happened without his knowhow and persistence and impatience with me dragging my feet about getting it done and all, and of course I might be forgiven for gushing on in my smitten state… But it’s not quite true that Jesse did it single-handedly. Without one other fellow offering constant technical support, arranging hosting, helping set up the template, and god knows what else… As I say, Jesse did all of the work from my point of view and I still feel like i know only the half of what went into it… Well, it wouldn’t have happened. Hence we’re both massively grateful to Jasun Mark, one of our directors at Titan, architect at, the mind behind the blog, and a mephistopheleanly* handsome man. Thank you SO much, Jasun!

And now I promise to actually start posting something. Regularly, even!

*YOU try and make an adverb out of “mephistophelean”!

Among many things I couldn't do without him…

HOT looking blog, no? Anyone who’s seen the website it took me months to cobble together for my “dayjob” knows this is just not (yet) part of my skill set… Hence the existence of this, my little bywater of the web, comes solely at the authorship of one guy— And I can’t begin to thank him enough.

BackStage at the Black Party, NYC

Aside from him being the sexiest, sweetest, most generous, and smartest man I know… Do you know how much of a turn-on it was observing him put this together in a matter of hours? Who doesn’t love a man who’s got *skills*?

Thank you, babe. I love you SOOO much.

Welcome to


I wasn’t going to be another porn blogger who merely reposted reviews and nekkid pics; there are a world of guys already out there who do that, and do it better than I would. However, after ages of attempted gangpressings to get me to join the blogosphere, I’m capitulating. This is largely in observance of three related events.

The first and most distant is that about eight years ago after a rough breakup I hooked up with a sexy daddy in New York City who goes by the handle JoeyRope; he was the first man to give me my first taste of kinkier sex, S/M in general, and bondage by a man who knows what he’s doing. I was hooked. He connected me with GMSMA (Gay Men’s S/M Association, sadly now defunct), which offered classes and tutorings and experiences; I learned from the best in NYC, and I started making connections and friends nationwide, learning all the time. That autumn JoeyRope and his partner invited me to Berlin to Folsom Europe with them, my first “leather” event; friends were made, experiences had, things learned, new horizons seen, and I knew that I’d found an aspect of my life that was supposed to be a part of me.

The second is that it was roughly two years ago that one of these friends, Paul Wilde at Titan, after many months of saying that Titan was looking for dom tops with real S/M skills and looked the part convinced me to give porn a try. I agreed, figuring they might hire me for one or two; the studio would find someone younger, leaner, more hung, something… and that would be that. And I’d have been fine with that, actually. However, after making nine films with Titan alone (and two more forthcoming, plus five with Michael Lucas, one with Raging Stallion, and various online scenes…), it’s really hit home that this is going to be a happy part of my life for a while, that I’m really enjoying the work I’m doing here, that I’ve made some great close friends, that it’s given me some new motivation and confidence in my outside-the-studio life.

The third and most immediately palpable is that about six months ago while working at the Titan booth at Folsom I met one of my colleagues, a truly amazing man whose huge heart, monstrous cock, and amazingly devious filthy mind I’m just head over heels (okay, more often heels over head) in love with. Jesse Jackman has ever since rocked my world and wrecked my prostate (at least twice a day on average when we’re together — yeah, I keep going back for more!), and I hope and expect that that’ll continue for decades to come.

Because of these I’ve been thinking more about what being in porn has brought to my life, and I’m realizing that I may indeed have something novel and individual to contribute to the babel-dialogue going on out there. Maybe someone might even read it, LOL.That doesn’t mean for a minute I’m going to be above posting hot photos or encouraging you to check out new releases or (maybe) posting some of our personal home movies. If the interspersed rants, bits of half-thought-out philosophy, puns, news, or links to the bizarre music I love don’t interest you, do what you would with any porn during the talky bits: hit fast forward. I’ll be the first to say I can’t expect myself to be any better a blogger than I am an actor, LOL. Trust me, it’s never long before all topics revert back around to hot men and deep intense fucking!

And guys, feel free to respond to anything I post here. I love it when I push a guy’s buttons and he pushes back!

Welcome to the official Dirk Caber blog. Should be a wild ride!